Welcome to the Blog for my book I've Been There...My Testimony of Hope.

This blog is a mixed bag, no holds barred mix of back stories, information, updates, and connection links to I've Been There...A Testimony of Hope. It has links inks.

My hubs David and I are committed to sharing CHANGE MAKING COMMUNICATIONS to inspire life-affirming changes at any age and stage of life. promote the idea that it is never too late to be great and to live our very best lives.

We welcome and appreciate all supporters. Together we are stronger, and that is the message of I've Been There...A Testimony of Hope.

The who, what, when and why of my book

For years prior to writing this book, my hubs David, clients and friends urged me to share the who, what, when and why of where I was and where I am today.

Oddly it was a quote that framed things in a way that made sense to share my healing and spiritual path from the "there to my healthy, happy here. The essence of the quote was, "those who have walked through the fires and became a Phoenix have a moral responsibility to give the lessons back to give other their transformational wings."

The girl in the shadows on the book jacket was me back "there.| " I wrote this book as a testimony of hope and chronicale how my scars were turned into Lodestars that guide my and others I share our Change Making ideas with today. My book is an offering and affirmation that it is not what happens to us that defines who and what we become. Instead, it is how we respond and choose to do about it.

Bright blessings on your own journey,

Coralie "Raia" Darsey-Malloy

About Me

My photo
First up...I wear many hats, literally and figuratively. I write professionally and along with my memoir I've Been There...My Testimony of Hope I have written a variety of books on healthy dynamic living. My hubs David and I co own and co-direct Change Making Communications . We share ideas through blogs, Face Book Groups, You Tube, free lance writing, presentations inprivate and group facilitation dynamic living live coaching. David and I have been partners in life and business since 1990. We have no intention of retiring because we know that it is only work if you don't life it and we love what we do.

Friday, April 20, 2018

Letting Go, Moving Forward

The art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.
-- Havelock Ellis

I’ve Been There...A Testimony of Hope has themes about growth through releasing.  There has been a lot of time, energy preparing the material and my mindset to the raw events of the past and sharing it with others. Detaching from outcomes is another form of letting go and trusting the process. 

The art of non-attachment is a tough lesson to master.  Some events force us to release our hold on people, events, and possessions. Then there are situations,  memories, parts of self that cease to hold a purpose or are holding us back. 

Withing the human condition we tend to form an attachment to people and things. Attachments to people and things, it can experience and be feeling when you realized that it's time to let go. Even the mere thought of not having that person or thing in your life squeezes the heart in pain.

Coming to terms with the reality that either people, events or situations change to the extent that it's necessary to let go and move on. Those who do not grow with us frequently grow apart. Letting go of the past associations are daunting. memories are replayed and holding on to the past prevents moving forward. 

Letting go creates a void and the universe abhors them. Eventually, it will fill it or we can choose to see it as an opportunity to focus on more of what we want rather than living in the past. The past is done, it cannot be changed so living back there stalls growth and transformation. 

Leaving the old behind requires a leap of faith into uncharted territory and that is the daunting aspect of change. It is stated eloquently in the quote by Lao Tzu. When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.

And -- Leo Buscaglia Let go. Why do you cling to pain? There is nothing you can do about the wrongs of yesterday. It is not yours to judge. Why hold on to the very thing which keeps you from hope and love?

Thursday, April 19, 2018

Angel Walk Lessons

Angel  Walk Lessons
Anonymous Source

This Is one of the nicest e-mails I have seen, and it really puts things into a healing insight. I took some editing liberties and corrected some of the content and added a few highlights of my own Other than that the original message is intact.

I am an energy empath and trained at the Master/Teacher level of Reiki energy facilitation. With the gift of second sight, I am often asked to send energy and offer distant healing to those in need. This beautifully written gift from an online fellow healer is something I choose to share from an anonymous author. Thank you whoever and wherever you are.  

Here is the sequencing: During a dream state meditation,  I went to heaven was blessed to be greeted by an angel who took me on a walk around an energy realm.  We walked side-by-side in a large workroom filled with angels. The angel guide stopped in front of the first section and said suggested I watch and learn. 

Looking looked around the area, there is an in go and outgo of bustling activity. Standing in silent awe I see a bevy of busy angels and ascended being sorting out petitions written on voluminous paper sheets and scraps from people all over the world.

After a while, there is a gentle hand on my arm as I am guided down a long corridor. The energy shifts as we reach the second section. ATTN: Acknowledge Dept.:
The angel then said to me, 'This is the Packaging and Delivery Section. Here, the graces and blessings the people asked for are processed and delivered to the living persons who asked for them.. 'I noticed again how busy it was there. There were many angels working hard at that station since so many blessings had been requested and were being packaged for delivery to Earth.

Finally, at the farthest end of the long corridor, we stopped at the door of a very small station. To my great surprise, only one angel was seated there, idly doing nothing. "This is the Acknowledgment Section" my angel friend quietly admitted to me. He seemed embarrassed as I query, "How is it that there is so little activity in this de[artment. here?"

The angel sighs then respond with,  “It is sad and disappointing to see day after day. The millions with humanity that after  receive the blessings they asked for, very  few send back acknowledgments.”

“How does one acknowledge the bountiful gift of blessings?' I asked.

“Simple,' the angel answered. Just say, 'Thank you, Divine Source for blessings received.”

“What blessings do they forget to  acknowledge?' I ask.

The everyday blessings are sharply underscored and I know are frequently taken for granted as the Angel continues.

"If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep you are richer than 75% of this world. If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish, you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy .'

“And if you get this on your own computer, you are part of the 1% in the world who has that opportunity.'

“If you woke up this morning with more health than illness  these humans  blessed over than the many who will not survive this day."

"If you have never experienced the fear in battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation You are ahead of 700 million people in the world."

“If you can attend a church without the fear of harassment, arrest, torture or death you are envied by, and more blessed than, three billion people in the world."

“If your parents are still alive and still married ...you are very rare."

“If you can hold your head up and smile, you are not the norm, you're unique to all those in doubt and despair."

It is a very sobering moment. So I tentatively ask…”Um,
what can I do?  How and where can I start?” This is a powerful message about the importance of acknowledging the good we receive?”

“The angel quietly replied. You can do your part to show your own gratitude by sharing this message.” I received the angel energy equivalent of a hug in human form, then guided back to the present moment.

Being so moved by the imagery and messaging in this beautifully written reminder to consistently speak our appreciation to others and Divine Source Grace I walk my talk and pass it along through the channels of our social media networks.

If you can read this message, you just received a double blessing in that someone was thinking of you as very special and you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world who cannot read at all.

'Thank you God/Goddess for giving me the ability to share this message and for the opportunity with CHANGE MAKING COMMUNICATIONS for the many wonderful people to share it with.'

So for everyone reading this, I hope you will always remember to celebrate the good in your life and in those you love. May we all remember to seize the moments of good every day in every way,  count our blessings out loud and with others, and send acknowledgments of appreciation to Source for the channels they flow through,  If you feel this way too, feel free to pass this along and pay it forward as a reminder for others to embrace and send a thank you not to the Angel Acknowledge Department for all they do to guide, protect and assist us through our earthly journey through life, then back to the next realm for a life assesment this time around.

By Raia Darsey-Malloy

Illness and limitation are limited and temporal
Challenge and change cannot limit love, care and connection
It  never succeeds in  dissolving all hope or faith.
Challenge does not eclipse beliefs in healing and miracles
Nor does it  dissolve all friend and family bonds and frequently strengthens
Challenges and change cannot remove all good memories they live outside illness and death.
Trying as it may be, it frequently sparks courage
Challenges can and do inspire inner strength and inspire others
It t can never extinguish our eternal life force
It may harm or destroy our body, but never our consciousness, as the Divine Spark within us lives on forever.

Soul Speak Attitude of Gratitude

Soul Speak Attitude of Gratitude

When I found more pain in others than what I found within myself
I learned what it meant to feel compassion
And my pain began to fade
When I found more forgiveness in others than I had within myself,
I learned what it meant to feel peace
I am grateful for learning the way to turn my scars into
Stars that guide my life and within that gratitude I am truly blessed.

Through the dark nights of my soul growth, I always held to my mother's life teachings about having an attitude of gratitude for the good in life and what IS working on focusing what is not. She reminded me that I had been one of the blessed few surviving the polio epidemic without lasting disability or death as so many others had. Even through years of daunting family dysfunction I never went short on any of the essentials of life, a home, food on our table, the ability to live, walk and function five senses intact. We loved in a safe, supportive community, with access to a good education and healthcare and that held true as a child and is true today.

My family lived in a safe, supportive community, with access to a good education and healthcare and that held true as a child and is true today. So yes, aspects of my life were daunting and felt dreadful, yet I learned how to thrive and thrive and now my painful life lessons are a testimony of hope for others. I am thankful every day for the bountiful blessings in my healing journey and the reason I feel a moral responsibility to share the truth I know for sure. It is not what happened to us that defines our lens on life or defines who we are and become. That is our responsibility to discover. That is the gift part of Divine Source giving everyone the right to choose and understand the cause and effect of what we think to say and do.

So yes, aspects of my life were daunting and felt dreadful and I admit to feeling victimized, hopeless and helpless during the shadows ages and stage of my earlier years. Through it all, my mother’s wise counsel about finding something to look forward to, count my blessings and keep my faith. Within the application of these wisdom ways I  learned how to survive, then thrive.  As a way to show my gratitude for prayers answered, I am choosing to share how painful life lessons can become a testimony of hope for others. I am thankful every day for the bountiful blessings in my healing journey and the reason I feel a moral responsibility to share the truth I know for sure. It is not what happened to us that defines our lens on life or defines who we are and become. That is our responsibility to discover. That is the gift part of Divine Source giving everyone the right to choose and understand the cause and effect of what we say, think and do.

When we begin the initiation process into a life we break up the old emotions, along with their habits and behaviors. It becomes easier to breakthrough long-established neural pathways in our primitive brain akin to a flood washing away old roadways of communication. Then changes occur from the inside out and outside in. The debilitating grip of emotions we repressed or denied rise and we are finally able to experience the full range of our humanity from pain to joy. When we feel it, we heal it. Old neural programming is created and as the old ways of holding things in are released there is room to feel greater love, peace, acceptance, integration, compassion, and generosity towards self and others.  Shamans refer to this practice metaphorically as acquiring our eagle wings. We are able to soar above situations without becoming entangled in them. We bring in the angels of the higher self.

Here are other examples of taking good for granted rather than an attitude of gratitude. There was a blind girl that hated herself because she was blind.  She hated everyone except her loving boyfriend.  He was always there for her.  

She told her boyfriend, "If I could see the world, I'd marry you."  One day someone donated a pair of eyes to her.  When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend.  He asked her, "Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?"  The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind.  The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her.  She hadn't expected that.  The thought of looking at him for the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.  Her boyfriend left her in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying, 

"Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine." This is how the human brain often works when our status changes.  Only a very few remember what our life was like before, and who was always by their side in the most painful situations.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?  Your playing small does not serve the world. We were born to make manifest shining radiance of the Divine Spark within us. It is not just in some of us that love and light are for everyone. In addition, when we let our own light shine, lead by example, giving others permission to do the same. Once we are liberated from our own fear, our presence as a human BE-ing light our inner light does not need a center stage and we liberate and empower others to do the same.

Today before you say an unkind word -- Think of someone who can't speak.  Before you complain about the taste of your food -- Think of someone who has nothing to eat.  Before you complain about your husband or wife -- Think of someone who's crying out to Divine Source for a companion.  Today before you complain about life -- Think of someone who went too early to heaven.  Before you complain about your children -- Think of someone who desires children but they are barren.  Before you argue about your dirty house someone didn't clean or sweep -- Think of the people who are living in the streets. 

Before whining about the distance you drive -- Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.  And when you are tired and complain about your job -- Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.  But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another -- Remember that it is not our place to judge others.

Compassion is a mind that is motivated by cherishing other living beings and wishes to release them from their suffering. Throughout my life path, I bear witness to varying degrees of compassion and ability and show kindness. However, within humanity, there is an equal to or greater than a measure of bias, judgment, prejudice where kindness, unconditional love, and kindness. limited to those who are strangers or different in any way.  When our family and friends are suffering we easily develop compassion for them. Not so true for some to feel sympathy for people they find unpleasant, different or those we do not know. 

Take personal responsibility now--choose your thoughts--change your attitude and decide to believe in yourself and you will attract a happier life and feel a sense of freedom and independence.

Friday, September 25, 2015

This is What a Feminist Looks Like

I jumped on the Feminist Movement after realizing that my first husband was not an equal opportunity partner in life and love. He was controlling, manipulative, untrustworthy and threatened I took my power back and healed my life. I was no longer "unbalanced, unloved, hopeless helpless little girl" he fell in love with back in high school.

In current society some women do not like to stand up and shout out they are feminists. I DO. The original feminist movement was founded on the idea women have equal rights. It is a basic human right and a right is not-negotiable. The foundation of feminism does not want dominion over gender. At the core, feminism is a fight for ALL human rights and informed, open-minded individuals, understand, accept and embrace the true face of feminism as this video clearly shows.

What do  Ferrera, Larry David, and Amy Brenneman have in common? They're all proud to call themselves feminists.Celebrate Women's History Month with them and other feminists by watching the special This Is What A Feminist Looks Like video.

How to avoid gender stereotypes: Eleanor Tabi Haller-Jordan at TEDxZurich

In my growth process, I discovered how to stand in the resonance of my own power and encourage the rest of humanity to empower themselves, then encourage, assist, inspire and lead by example for others to do the same. Gender stereotypes are based on "otherness and isms" over unity, consensus building and Oneness.

Corporations across Europe share the same problem: a dramatic gender gap in leadership. Although the size of this gap varies from country to country, men far outnumber women in senior business leadership. What makes the most senior positions in business so inaccessible to women -- even in countries where there are considerable government and social support for gender equality? Senior women leaders across Western Europe tell us that gender stereotyping is an important barrier to consider, and our research supports it. While solutions are often sought through policy and engineered approaches, the real barriers to change may be much more personal and insidious. The companies that focus on tackling deep-seated bias and making their organizations safer for mavericks -- who are less concerned with fitting in and more on making a contribution -- may be the most effective in fixing the gender gap and, more critically, in business.

Eleanor Tabi Haller-Jorden has led Catalyst Europe since 2006 when it was established to work with corporate and academic members in Europe through thought-provoking events and programs that reflect the cultural diversity of the region. Under her direction, Catalyst Europe engages members and selects partners who are committed to developing creative solutions around organizational inclusion and innovation with the aim of being a learning lab that supports workplace innovation by practicing it. Apart from her European responsibilities, Eleanor Tabi Haller-Jorden holds a broader advisory role within Catalyst with a focus on developing the organization and its brand globally.

A frequent media contributor and lecturer (IMD, London School of Economics and Political Science, Yale School of Organization and Management, Columbia University Business School), Eleanor Tabi Haller-Jorden also sits on numerous boards. She is Chairperson of The Humanity Initiative's Executive Board and Co-Chair of the Healthcare Businesswomen's Association (HBA) European Board. Other board appointments include the EU's Steering Scientific Committee, Seventh Framework Programme, Meta-analysis for Gender and Science Research; the Academy of Business and Society and Öko-Institut's Advisory Board for the IMPACT initiative; and the Advisory Board of the Tosca Group Future of Organisations Consortium. Eleanor Tabi Haller-Jorden has been designated a European Thought Leader on behalf of IBM's Global Innovation Outlook initiative and showcased in Profiles in Diversity Journal. Most recently, she has been appointed as a Leadership Advisor for the Zurich chapter of Room to Read, a global organization focused on literacy and gender equality in education.

Before joining Catalyst Europe, Eleanor Tabi Haller-Jorden worked in cross-cultural talent management and strategic planning as the Managing Director of the Paradigm Group. Prior to that, she was Founder and Director of the Public Policy Center in Philadelphia. She is also a former Vice President of the Advisory Services group at Catalyst. She attended Princeton University as an advanced standing scholar and Bryn Mawr College, where she earned her A.B. magna cum laude in history. She earned her M.Sc. in Industrial Relations from the London School of Economics and Political Science. Eleanor Tabi Haller-Jorden is a single mother of two boys and an avid windsurfer. In her spare time, she is a performance poet—an entertainer who creates poetry onstage—and has performed in Zurich, Oslo, and London. She is the owner of the Living Gallery, a virtual art space, and gallery in Switzerland.

In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)

Gender Roles in Society

Monday, December 24, 2012

Celtic Woman - Amazing Grace

Some associate the words and lyrics to Amazing Grace with funerals, endings, and sadness. Throughout my life, this song is my song of grace and liberation and I sing it loudly and proudly as a personal spiritual anthem to the countless moments of enlightenment and grace. During my dark "lost" phases of life,  I was lost...then found myself I found a spiritual path through grace-filled gifts of love and light. I was protected, guided to a place of being safety, healed, whole and strong.  Against all odds,  I would make it though. Throughout life, I've been blessed with many miracles through shifts in consciousness and my spiritual development..and I truly feel they are an.Amazing Grace.

Short Documentary on Electro Convulsive Therapy 'Out of Mind'

When I was misdiagnosed with schizophrenia in my late teens and early twenties I endured 129 Electro Convulsive Therapy (ECT) before the psychiatrist realized that was not the root cause of my "diagnosis." In later years I received a letter of apology from Selkirk Mental Institution for the course of treatment. The rationale was talk therapy with patients and family was not what they were doing in the late 1950's and 1960's. My hubs David and I decided against seeking legal compensation or malpractice and choose to live within the now of our great life rather than go back to what cannot be changed. The events happened, they are integrated into the chapters in my book that have been written and closed for me. I accept that when I went through this in the early sixties psychiatry was a still a new specialty/ During five years in and out of mental wards specialist did not consider the root cause of emotions, dissociated behaviors, repressed memories or dysfunction within the family of origin.  at the symptoms...not the root causes. I share my experience, s not as an outcry of injustice, rather a celebration of what is possible for anyone to conceive, believe and achieve. A happy fit and fabulous, healthy life.

This documentary about Electro Convulsive Therapy presents the experiences I had and are portrayed in some chapters  I write about in my book and what I witnessed on hospital wards. It is not for the faint of heart and ECT treatments are a part of mental health treatments today in a more subdued methodology. I know it works for some patients but in my case, it was not effective.  I accept that when I went through this in the early sixties psychiatry was a still a new speciality but all my years in and out of mental wards they only looked at the symptoms...not the root causes. I healed and become whole, healing, strong and healthy when I took the whole person approach as I discuss in my book.  As with this woman I lost touch with who I was and all the past social structures were also wiped out. I had to start from the bottom and work my way back up and I have. That is where I was...and where I am today. My recovery is a Testimony of Hope.

Sarah McLachlan - Fear (live) HQ

Sarah McLaughlin is a writer, eloquent wordsmith and her lyrics and performances resonate with aspects of my life past and present. With the trauma, drama, loss of control earlier in life I developed and lived within a fear-based reality for years.

My biggest fear was around the medical model and fear of what people would think of me and the shadow world I lived within for the first part of my life path.

At a pivotal point in my soul path discoveries, I found ways to cut the ties that bound me with fear when I had an epiphany around the truth that the biggest fear is from fear itself. I came to terms with the truth that most of what we fear is going ot happen never does and whatever we thought would happen tomorrow was the today I was living without it manifesting.

Within the entangling mind trips and mind traps, I tangled my thinking in were delusions,  perceptions, and beliefs from the past being projected into my now. A Buddhist teaching says, "All suffering comes from attachment."

That light bulb moment was a turning point. I began changing my beliefs and my life changed accordingly. The law of attraction is based on energy that whatever we give attention to expands. My wise mother always cautioned me by saying, "My dear, do not borrow trouble by focusing on what you do not want to bring into your life. Focus on what you DO want instead."

So I let go of fear, and the liberation continually frees up the energy to focus on manifesting the best life has to offer rather than hiding and worrying that "the other shoe will drop." What a waste of time and energy it truly is.

No matter what the injustice...never allow a person or system to silence you into a submission. Never submit, give up, or not fight for your right to be heard or your right to expose the truth. Never accept a deal or situation that devalues and silences your voice and alters your souls' journey! Stand up and fight for the truth!"~ L.E.Shaefer

"Both abundance and lack exist simultaneously in our lives, as parallel realities. It is always our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend… when we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that’s present – love, health, family, friends, work, the joys of nature and personal pursuits that bring us pleasure – the wasteland of illusion falls away and we experience heaven on earth."~Sarah Ban Breathnach ....."I do not fix problems. I fix my thinking. Then problems fix themselves."
~Louise Hay

"Answer" - Sarah Mclachlan

I've Been There chronicles the family, health, personal and professional challenges and changes I lived through and this video, lyrics, and performance with Sarah McLaughlin resonates with me. My prayers for answers and spiritual clarity always came. Those who ask and are willing to know receive answers. I know this beyond any shadow of light and my life is a testimony to that truth.

 Answer resonates my appreciation to Source for prayers answers and everyone along my healing path offering their encouragement, belief in me,  love, care, and support. Many along the way became  "my answer" to prayers I sent up for direction and support.

Letting go is the most difficult task a human being will ever undertake. It isn't unique to any one individual. We will all someday have to face it; some of us in old age, others during adolescence. Regardless, the challenge is still there, because to live is to love and to love is to hope. I have never met people with more hope than those suffering from cancer or other debilitating, chronic or terminal conditions. They are courageous spiritual warriors who inspire others with their heroism. They understand the seemingly paradoxical truth that pain is a part of the happiness- an integral part. Please take this video share as a token of my love, respect, and admiration.

Blessings of love and light wherever you are as you read, listen and watch this.

Alicia Keys - Brand New Me

The message and performance of Brand New Me by Alicia Keyes echoes the many transformations I experienced during the  I've  "there" the brand new me of I live today Each setback, upset, pain, sense of hopeless, helpless self-doubt eventually led me to the awareness that the toughest lessons and changes are usually the ones that provide the greatest insights and life lessons to growth.

Now every daunting challenge is viewed through this lens on life. I have the confidence to know that I am on the brink of a deeper level of a "brand new me" that will emerge after whatever ending, middle and then beginning outworks. It always is and does.

In group sessions, public speaking or writing this ending, middle before the fresh beginning is the same metamorphosis for all of u.  It and when we get ourselves out of the way, conceive and believe we can and do achieve the feeling of the old falling away and there is a newness of the emergence that follows.

Yes, it feels risky, a little scary to move beyond familiar comfort zones. The courage it takes is worth it. This I know for SURE. My testimony of hope presents the many ages and stages of letting the old go so our  Brand New Me evolves.

Magic in Music Videos (playlist)

You Find Yourself Alone, Sometimes
Without A Home, No Protection
You Don't Know Which Way To Go
You're Lost, No Direction
Then, Suddenly, Out Of The Blue
Some Kind Of Magic Comes To You
You Don't Know How, You Don't Know Why
But Someday Gonna Take Off, Fly
Fly, Fly, Fly...
Make A Wish, Wish, Make A Wish, Wish
My Wish Would Be
To Be Free
To Be Wild
And To Be
Just Like A Child
And If I Get Lost
I Really Don't Mind
Cos' I'm Me (Free)
Doing Just Fine
(To Be Free)
You're Out In The Cold, Sometimes
As Far As You Can See, Misty
You Want To Run, Into The Sun
The Road Is Lost, Sand, Shifty
Suddenly, Out Of The Blue
Some Kind Of Magic Pushes You Through
You Don't Know When, How, Or Why
But Someday Gonna Take Off, Fly
Fly, Fly, Fly...
And If I Had A Wish
My Wish Would Be
(Repeat Chorus Three Times)
Just Like A Child
I Really Don't Mind
Cos' I'm Free,
Doing Just Fine

Friday, April 27, 2012

The Art of Living is a process of letting go and holding on

All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.
-- Havelock Ellis

I've'Been There...A Testimony of Hope has a lot of recurring themes about being able to let go. I am going through another phase of that as I get closer to the launch date of the book with each passing day. There has been a lot of time, energy, revisiting and releasing each time I have editing the book and re-read it. When I think of handing it over to the publisher and then giving it over to Source to outwork where it goes from that point it is also calling me to "let go and let God/Goddess" take it whee its meant to go.

Letting is one of the hardest lessons in life. In life, there's many things that we have to learn to let go. We have to let go of situations, things, memories, people and even ourselves. It's easy to form an attachment to people and things. When you've formed an attachment to people and things, it can be a very painful experience and feeling when you realized that it's time to let go. Even the mere thought of not having that person or thing in your life just squeezes your heart in pain. However, there are times where you or that person has changed to the extent that it's necessary to let go of the relationship or friendship, so that each of you can fulfill your life path.

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.
-- Lao Tzu

Letting go of your past and memories are also extremely hard. Even though old memories can be tormenting, yet you might hold on to the past and refuse to move forward. However, by refusing to let go of the painful past, it'll serve as a roadblock to love.Releasing the  old self opens the way for a new you emerge can be one of the scariest experiences in your life. But by leaving behind your old self and taking a leap of faith into the unknown, it might just reveal what you are truly capable of becoming. With the depth of what we share at Fresh Beginnings I know that each of us are varying stages of having to change things we may be reluctant to do...or let go of people and events that are no longer healthy. I wanted to share these ideas with you as I finish up the final edits and prepare to let the book go to its natural completion.

Let go. Why do you cling to pain? There is nothing you can do about the wrongs of yesterday. It is not yours to judge. Why hold on to the very thing which keeps you from hope and love?
-- Leo Buscaglia

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Telling the Inner Critic to put a sock in it!

My father’s mouth twists in a snarling expression as dark foreboding eyes spit sparks of rejection that sting the very essence of my being.  The volcanic intensity of his energetic eruption sears into my spirit and I recoil within in a futile attempt to reduce the impact of his diminishing words.  “Create—all you ever want is the time and money to create—create what?  You can’t make a living creating—you’re just lazy—you don’t want to work—you never finish anything—grow up-- take some responsibility!  Quit all your day-dreaming and get a real job—you’ll never amount to anything creating—it’s bloody well ridiculous!! Then he’d mutter a few more indistinguishable words as he stormed away leaving me feeling as fractured as Humpty Dumpty after his fall—with no Kings’ horses or men to put me back together again.

I loved my father and desperately wanted his love, approval and acknowledgement—but after a lifetime of trying to measure up I never succeeded.       Little did I know then how his rejection of my basic essence would warp things and lead me down a path that was fuelled by a desire to be perceived as responsible, productive, and hard-working and most certainly a finisher—at all cost.  Without really understanding the process a rift began to develop between what was authentic for me and things I needed to compensate for as a result of my father’s rejection.  Through time the chasm grew.

 I began to develop an identity around outwardly driven goals of image-management that were fuelled by the urges of a harsh inner critic to whom I never measured up.  In contrast the whisperings of my inner spiritual world had creative urges that sought expression.  When for fleeting moments I’d tune into that inner space it felt graceful, inventive and teeming with possibility.  Unfortunately those creative urges were quelled by outwardly driven motivators.  There was a greater need to prove to my father, the world and myself that I was not the inadequate, irresponsible wing-nut Dad said I was.

A mind-trap developed and it drove me hard.  There were some pay-offs though and I often found myself basing in accolades from others.   I interpreted their comments about not having an off-switch—or being the energizer bunny and laughingly saying they wanted to remove my batteries as proof that I wasn’t some idiosyncratic misfit.  Their comments fed ego-driven needs that pushed me onwards and upwards.  The ‘busy-ness syndrome’ became a way of life and helped keep the inner critic at bay.   Through time the incongruities of living within a house divided began to create a variety of health problems.

 Feeling burdened by inadequacy and living an inauthentic life led to the development of   two eating disorders.  Patterns of compulsive coping alternated between self-starvation (anorexia nervosa) and binge/purge cycles of bulimia and laxative abuse.     Long muffled signals of what it felt like to feel unencumbered, free, happy became distant echoes for over thirty years.   Other times feelings of fear, dissatisfaction and inadequacy engulfed me completely.   Other times the ‘busy-ness’ would cause  my body to rebel and the only way it could  preserve itself and slow me down was to create illnesses or accidents.   Even then I could not relax and truly let go—my mind was so locked into driven, self-punishing workaholism that it never left room for sustained periods of inner peace and after a series of setbacks I developed fibromyalgia.  That turned out to be one of my greatest life lessons because it had such a slowing effect that it allowed to realize I was searching for something and I began to look for new ways to increase my spiritual bandwidth.

Somewhere along the path I had rejected most forms of organized religion because my mind could not reconcile the gaping discrepancies that were (in my opinion) too blatantly obvious for any thinking, questioning person to ignore.  I wanted a relationship with a different kind of Deity—one that was available every moment of every day and one that could provide a more compassionate lens for me to view my life.  That was not what I found within many pious pulpits.  After many health challenges I began to look for a spiritual life rather religiousness formulated only on the outer and perceptions of human thinking.

 Even though my busy mind kept waking hours jammed to the point of bursting there were more frequent connections breakthroughs to what I knew was a Higher Power.  During those times I’d feel calmer and was kinder and gentler towards others.  In a similar feel there were some really special moments where my creative urges would return and so would my bliss.  But those times were short-lived.  The hard-wired imprinting of my youth would re-activate the negative areas of my brain and the old groove would become a vacuous trap that would suck me back into deep feelings of inadequacy about not being productive—and therefore not good enough.  The mind-trap of busy-ness that had become a distinct personal identifier took years to transform.  But the interesting part of it all was that my personal challenges and healing journey led me on a quest and that allowed me to create a successful career as a life coach, group leader and free-lance writer.

Eventually I developed enough awareness to see that the inner saboteur was making it difficult to take care of body and my whole self and I began to find ways to re-frame my thinking and as I changed my beliefs—my outer life changed as well.   After recovering memories of sexual abuse I was able to overcome both two eating disorders and live a more balanced, fulfilling life.  As I healed and became more whole I met the love of my life and married for the second time.   My relationship with David created a safe haven for what at times felt like a bedraggled body and spirit.  With his encouragement, love and support I began to see things differently.   During the times my driver would come back in full force David would create peaceful pauses by gently asking—“When is enough ever going to be enough for you? As I watch you it is clear that you never take any real pleasure in your accomplishments—you just finish something—then barely pause to enjoy anything before saying---NEXT!    You are a fiercely creative and a very original thinker—yet you reject the very essence of who you are and what you do.  Can’t you see that you are treating yourself and your achievements the same way your father did?”

One would think that kind of feedback would be an epiphany and clang a chord that evoked instantaneous change—but it didn’t happen that way for me.  As with most growth processes change comes by taking three steps forward, two steps back then three steps forward until we make lasting changes.  It took awhile, but positive reinforcement   from David and trusted gal pal Carole eventually allowed me to erase the previous programming and I came to accept that nothing in life is as high-stakes as I once believed After years of white-knuckle, nail-biting challenges   I now have a ‘so what’ attitude and no longer feel any need to justify I how I choose live.  By choosing to stop worrying about other people’s perceptions it is easier to follow my own Loadstar.

That attitude allowed me to slow down and write a 500 page manuscript about my healing journey and spiritual development.  I’ve Been There—A Testimony of Hope  www.ibtbook.com is now circulating to various publishers and although I look forward to seeing it in print in 2012. It will be another visual reminder  that will assist me in  erasing my father’s opinion  that I am not a ‘finisher.’  The ripple effect of that inner knowing has allowed me to become more capable, responsible and discerning than I ever dreamed possible.  Being able to accept that my quirks, flaws and eccentricities are a viable aspect of what makes me unique   has finally silenced that harsh voice from the past that contributed to inner and outer chaos.  

Repeated exposure to any emotional state creates coping patterns that can be healthy or unhealthy.  Within my own life I learned that the better I feel---the better I feel.   The old continuum has found a different path to follow and the momentum continually contributes to improved health, increased well-being and a more balanced lifestyle.

 It is a far cry from the fragmented, disjointed, dissociated way I once lived.   Once I grew tired of feeling entrapped within my ‘personal displeasure centers’ my intention to change created a positive ripple effect.  I built upon the original desire for change by opening myself to the love and support of my partner David, having some and holding firm to the decision leave old self-perceptions behind live a more authentic life.

 Thankfully with practice and persistence it became easier to reveal more of who I really am.   That has created a sense of solidarity between my inner landscape and outer activities.   At long last it is possible to respect and honor my inner self and she is now open enough to hear whispers from that All-knowing voice within and it is more powerful than anything my father said and that awareness phased out the busy-ness syndrome that had defined me for the earlier part of my life and now I am free to live a more conscious life, centered life on my own terms!

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

The story of the rebirth of eagles is inspiring!

This is a story of an Eagle, on how to survive and live, it undergoes a drastic change to live for 70 long years.
The first time I watched this video I was moved to tears. It is such a powerful reminder of how, when we push beyond our limitations life can transform.

It takes power, strength and determination to move out beyond surviving to thriving. Whether it is a butterfly transforming from the journey through the cocoon to flight or an eagle if we keep on keeping on we are are to fly high and free with our own wings.

Never give up in life. Change is what helps you to be successful and grow. This you tube video is a metaphor to learn how you can have a re-birth at the age of 40 and start a new life again..! Great Motivational Clip and an Inspirational video.. For more motivational videos and soft skills ppt check my website http://shabbarsuterwala.com/resources

Saturday, April 21, 2012

The Parable of the butterfly

A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared. He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole.

Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could, and it could go no further.

So the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon.

The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings.

The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time.

Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.

What the man, in his kindness and haste, did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were God's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our lives. If God allowed us to go through our lives without any obstacles, it would cripple us.

We would not be as strong as what we could have been. We could never fly!

I asked for Strength.........And God gave me Difficulties to make me strong.

I asked for Wisdom.........And God gave me Problems to solve.

I asked for Prosperity.........And God gave me Brain and Brawn to work.

I asked for Courage.........And God gave me Danger to overcome.

I asked for Love.........And God gave me Troubled people to help.

I asked for Favors.........And God gave me Opportunities.

I received nothing I wanted ........And everything I needed!

Psychology of Emotion, Recovery, Wellness, Awareness in the Healing Process

Psychology of Emotion, Recovery, Mental Wellness and Health

Dr. John Breeding gives you the four secrets to dealing with mental health issues and how to help other people achieve mental wellness.

The first law of transformation is acceptance within the Hero's Journey. The process of withdrawal, initiation and return. We all have to go through periods of  'madness' where we withdraw from the world to go through an inner transformational change. Depression is a withdrawal from the world and it often necessary that needs to be allowed. In mythological teaching we withdraw and come into ways of thinking and being that we could never have seen or experienced without it.

Don't confuse transformational process as mental illness or a mental disorder such as depression or bipolar. This video contains comments on re-evaluation counseling and emotional release.

Each experience when dealt in a fair way for our soul,
completes a transformation that is needed in our growth.

When thinking about our purpose on earth,
I was given thoughts of science to understand spirituality.

Transformation On Butterfly Wings

When I was in my early teens, I loved spending my time in nature and observing everything around me. Often I would go into the woods and just sit as still as I could. Gradually, the birds, squirrels, and chipmunks would return busying themselves looking for food and on guard for any danger.
While sitting against a tree, I noticed a black shiny cocoon. I picked it up and studied it’s features and I decided to take it home with me. I placed it in my jacket pocket and when I got home I put it in a small jar. I checked on the cocoon daily.
Emerging from the cocoon.

One day, I noticed a small opening in the shell and I could see the insect inside peeking out the opening. Over several hour periods, the insect had struggled but had made little progress making its way through the opening.
I thought I should help the butterfly because it was having such a hard time. So I took out my pen-knife and gently made the opening larger, so the butterfly could easily leave the cocoon.
I felt full of pride having helped the butterfly.

The butterfly emerged unsteadily on its legs, with a swollen body and small shriveled wings.
I continued watching the insect, expecting it would transform miraculously into a butterfly. It did not! It crawled unsteadily around on the ground with its distorted body and small shriveled wings.
I couldn’t understand why it didn’t transform into a butterfly.

My grandmother was visiting that day and came out to see what I was doing. He looked and saw the cocoon and saw the insect crawling around on the workbench.
I asked him what he knew about butterflies, and I told him what I had done to help the butterfly. He looked at me and shook his head. He said that insect would never fly. He was destined to only be able to crawl on the ground.

Grandpa told me that in my kindness to help the butterfly, I had actually failed to understand that the cocoon actually transforms the crawling insect into a butterfly.
The small opening and the struggle to leave the cocoon forces fluid from the swollen body and into the wings so it can take flight upon leaving the cocoon.

Grandpa explained my intentions were good, trying to help a struggling creature, but he also explained:
Sometimes in life, the struggle is exactly what is needed in our lives for personal growth. Valuable lesson learned. Growth. accepting what cannot be changed. 

The parallel between the metamorphosis of the butterfly & the evolution of human consciousness

This little art video attempts to illustrate a parallel between the metamorphosis of the butterfly and the evolution of consciousness of humans. We are reaching critical mass.

"When a caterpillar reaches a certain point in its own evolution, it becomes over-consumptive, a voracious eater and it eats everything in sight.

At that same time, in the molecular structure of the caterpillar, the "imaginal cells" become active.

While all this gorging is going on, those 'imaginal' cells wake up, and they look for each other inside of the caterpillar's body.

When enough of them connect (they don't need to be in the majority) they become the genetic directors of the future of the caterpillar.

At that point the other cells begin to putrefy and become what's called the nutritive soup—out of which the 'imaginal' cells create the absolute unpredictable miracle of the butterfly.

What's possible is that we are the "imaginal cells" on the planet right now."

Inspired by Elisabet Sahtouris

Butterflies...they are beautiful with so much to teach us about living free!

Butterflies Are Free

John Welcher
innocent from the beginning, never knowing a hateful thought
slowly shedding their skin, a moment of wistful beauty is caught
escaping into subtle softness, as they prepare for first flight
naive notions of contentment, only a poetic glimpse of this sight

Rrandom fluttering takes place, no apparent rhyme or a reason
searching longing for the right path, journeys into all of the seasons
meeting others of their kind, tho none seem to spark an interest
singular thoughts keeping apart, feelings of love still very listless....

Traveling so very far, sharing their splendor with all that they meet
brief glances of their beauty, images that make us stop and think
wondering why they are there, wonderment of the time they have spent
knowing them only for that moment, their departure so very imminent.

Maybe there is no explanation, their behavior just for them to realize
simple life for a simple creature, is plenty for them to memorize
timeless beings always in our hearts, forever there so the mind can see
graciously flying into their own world, knowing that they are free.

Friday, April 20, 2012

Hope and inspiration for everyone who didn't or doesn't know their own strength with Whitney Houston's lyrics and words

There are many who have read my good that question how I made it through. There were many times I did not know my own strength and though I wouldn't be able to make it through...but I did. My message is that if one of us can do it...then we all can. Just as the lyrics say...I lost touch with my soul and had no where to turn.

Through it all I found hope in my heart, I found the light to life and my way out of the dark and so can YOU. Anything we conceive and believe we can achieve as long as we don't give up before the miracle happens.


Lost touch with my soul
I had no where to turn
I had no where to go
Lost sight of my dream,
Thought it would be the end of me I
I thought I'd never make it through
I had no hope to hold on to, I
I thought I would break

I didn't know my own strength
And I crashed down, and I tumbled
But I did not crumble
I got through all the pain
I didn't know my own strength
Survived my darkest hour
My faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up
Hold my head up high
I was not built to break
I didn't know my own strength oh

Found hope in my heart,
I found the light to life
My way out of the dark
Found all that I need
Here inside of me oh
I thought I'd never find my way
I thought I'd never lift that weight
I thought I would break

I didn't know my own strength
And I crashed down, and I tumbled
But I did not crumble
I got through all the pain
I didn't know my own strength
Survived my darkest hour
My faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up
Hold my head up high
I was not built to break
I didn't know my own strength

There were so many times I
Wondered how I'd get through the night I
Thought I took all that I could take

I didn't know my own strength
And I crashed down, and I tumbled
But I did not crumble
I got through all the pain oh
I didn't know my own strength
Survived my darkest hour
My faith kept me alive
I picked myself back up
I Hold my head up high
I was not built to break
I didn't know my own strength
I was not built to break
I got to know my own strength.



The Empowered Woman, she moves through the world
with a sense of confidence and grace.
Her once reckless spirit now tempered by wisdom.
Quietly, yet firmly, she speaks her truth without doubt or hesitation
and the life she leads is of her own creation.

She now understands what it means to live and let live.
How much to ask for herself and how much to give.
She has a strong, yet generous heart
and the inner beauty she emanates truly sets her apart.
Like the mythical Phoenix,
she has risen from the ashes and soared to a new plane of existence,
unfettered by the things that once that posed such resistance.

Her senses now heightened, she sees everything so clearly.
She hears the wind rustling through the trees;
beckoning her to live the dreams she holds so dearly.
She feels the softness of her hands
and muses at the strength that they possess.
Her needs and desires she has learned to express.
She has tasted the bitter and savored the sweet fruits of life,
overcome adversity and pushed past heartache and strife.

And the one thing she never understood,
she now knows to be true,
it all begins and ends with you.
And WE are the POWER is this ever changing world

When you stop trying to force things to happen, and instead allow them to gently unfold, then your life will fall into place.

A woman in harmony with her spirit is like a river flowing.
She goes where she will without pretense and arrives at her  prepared to be herself and only herself.
Maya Angelous

A video to inspire and motivate you when you're feeling low. The beauy of Alicias voice and poetic lyrics coupled with images of other women who have inspired confidence  through their actions,  roles they  or a song they have sung help to inspire a sense of empowerment.

Celebrating the lives of those we love beyond the loss

The anniversary date of my  mother's passing is April 20th and David and choose to celebrate her life rather than focusing on our loss. My mother raised me with the belief that the spirit of loved ones lives on and I definitely feel her essence around me today. I inherited my love of butterflies and their spiritual representation of transformational change. We have already seen butterflies in our garden and I know that is Mom's way of letting us know she is doing fine and flying high and free.

So friends as we head to another weekend let's remember that through good times and difficult ones everything has a beginning, middle and end and everything changes. May we be mindful of that and as we struggle through our cocoon phases that eventually we will grow, emerge and eventually get our wings.

Here is the last photo of my Mom on her birthday on Christmas Day. David and I knew her time was drawing near and took this picture to remind us that she was close to getting her spirit wings...and that she has.

I hope you will listen to this song and let your spirit soar.
Love, light and bright blessings to all...we have all had to release those we love to other realms.


To Be Free
To Be Wild
And To Be
Just Like A Child

And If I Get Lost
I Really Don't Mind
Cos' I'm Me (Free)
Doing Just Fine

(To Be Free)
You're Out In The Cold, Sometimes
As Far As You Can See, Misty
You Want To Run, Into The Sun
The Road Is Lost, Sand, Shifty

Suddenly, Out Of The Blue
Some Kind Of Magic Pushes You Through
You Don't Know When, How, Or Why
But Someday Gonna Take Off, Fly
Fly, Fly, Fly...

And If I Had A Wish
My Wish Would Be

(Repeat Chorus Three Times)

Just Like A Child
I Really Don't Mind
Cos' I'm Free,
Doing Just Fine

✿♡✿♥•.,,.•*¨*•.¸¸❤❤*¨*•.¸¸.• ¸.•°*”˜ ƸӜƷ ˜”*°•. .•°*”˜ ƸӜƷ ˜”*°•. ¸.•°*”˜ ƸӜƷ ˜”*°•. ¸.•° ♥✿♡✿*¨*•.¸¸.• ♥✿♡✿♥•.,,.•*¨*•.¸¸❤❤*¨*•.¸¸.• ♥✿♡✿♥¸.•°*”˜ ƸӜƷ ˜”*°•. .•°*”˜ ƸӜƷ ˜”*°•. ¸.•°*”˜ ƸӜƷ ˜”*°•. ¸.•°

There can be miracles...when you believe

Early in life I had a miracle when I survived the polio epidemic and came through it without any lasting effects. My story I've Been There...my Testimony of Hope has a lot of inexplicable events that are in my perceptions...miracles. I believe they come through a shift in consciousness where we open our whole selves to receive the best life has to offer.

When we conceive and believe...we can achieve. The video and lyrics to a song when you believe by Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey eloquently express how prayer, an open hopeful heart can move mountains and turn dreams into realities.

In our work with clients we encourage them to set their sights high and never give up until the miracles occurs.


Many nights we prayed
With no proof anyone could hear
In our hearts a hopeful a song
We barely understood
Now we are not afraid
Although we know there's much to fear
We were moving mountains
Long before we knew we could

There can be miracles
When you believe
Though hope is frail
Its hard to kill
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve
When you believe
Somehow you will
You will when you believe


In this time of fear
When prayer so often proves in vain
Hope seems like the summer bird
Too swiftly flown away
Yet now I'm standing here
My hearts so full, I cant explain
Seeking faith and speaking words
I never thought Id say

There can be miracles
When you believe (Whitney: When you believe)
Though hope is frail
Its hard to kill (Whitney: Mmmmmhhh)

Whitney and Mariah:
Who knows what miracles

You can achieve (Whitney: You can achieve)
When you believe
Somehow you will

Whitney and Mariah:
You will when you believe

They don't always happen when you ask
And its easy to give in to your fear
But when you're blinded by your faith
Can't see your way clear through the rain
A small but still resilient voice
Says hope is very near

There can be miracles (Miracles)
When you believe
Though hope is frail
Its hard to kill
Who knows what miracles
You can achieve
When you believe somehow you will
Somehow you will
You will when you believe
When you believe

Song........ When You Believe
From.........The Prince of Egypt
Sung By.. Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston.