Living an from an authentic place within

By Coralie Raia Darsey-Malloy


You cannot find yourself until you face the truth.

--Pearl Baily

This concept is something that has become central to how I endeavor to live. I began a spiritual quest to discover my own truth after growing up in a family where nothing was ever as it appeared. My father's alcoholism and my mother's enabling created a quagmire of inconsistencies within our family's inner and outer worlds. Within the seeming 'dysfunction' of my earlier years I have learned that it was a gift...because it set me on a path of discovery that would not have been possible without our 'shrouded' family dynamics.

My father abused me sexually, mentally and emotionally to the point that my innate sense of self
became extremely distorted and I began looking for love, acceptance and approval from outside sources. I developed the compulsive coping patterns anorexia and bulimia...and abused myself the way my father abused me. It took years of searching and questioning before I slowly began to understand that looking for answers and acceptance through parents, friends, authorities, organized religions, the medical model, the fashion industry, image-management..only to discover nothing outside us will ever fulfill inner needs.

My first epiphany among many other light-bulb moments came when I had starved my body down to 89 pounds. I thought being skinny would bring all that I was yearning for...but it did not. The truth of my skewed perception was a hard thing to accept. My fantasy about thin-ness translating into inner peace turned out to by a myth...because everything else in my life remained the same. Family problems remained, lack of intimacy remained, my life was still unbalanced and off-track. It has a hard reality to accept. But I was living a lie...I'd believed to be true. What a
turning point that was!

From that milestone moment I decided to change my beliefs...and change my life. I was able to overcome two eating disorders and years of laxative abuse by deciding my life wishes
were stronger than my death wishes. From there a commitment developed to live an authentic life and create congruency between my inner and outer worlds..and it remains today. I know from personal and professional experience that no one will achieve complete fulfillment until they accept who they are from the inside...rather than allowing others to define them from the outside. The process to becoming 'all that we are' is achieved through conscious living, and contemplative self-awareness.

Awareness is very curative and the foundation for all change and discovery, Learning to let go is the method that eventually leads to an expanded sense of self. In the material David
and I present we suggest that anyone or anything that attempts to force an ideology or dogma on another will eventually lead to an inauthentic lifestyle In the most basic terms our view of spirituality is...a matter of self-discovery..rather than of becoming something...or
someone other than you are.

Internal conflicts frequently leads to alienation with others and whatever interpretation we put on our association with Source. How can we ever expect there to be peace inthe world if we, its inhabitants lack inner peace? A lack of harmony within our inner and outer worlds...cannot help but be projected outward to a perception of "us" versus"them?" The divisiveness within a confused sense of self fosters judgments of others. "We" are right...and "they' are wrong..our religion, political beliefs, health models are the 'right' and only way...and all else is inferior. Comparison always leads to discontent, confusion and...of course more judgement.

To truly live an authentic life we need to learn how to release self-deception. That involves complete honest with ourselves and the rest of the world. This level of integrity requires
conscientious attention, emotional maturity, self-accountability, responsibility for the cause and effect of our choices, self-knowledge, a willingness to change and an ability to be discerning and practice sincere internal scrutiny. A classic Buddhist question puts it this
way: "Who were you and what did you look like before your parents were born?" Looking at ourselves without form...and as a spiritual being within a body it becomes easier to accept that...at the heart of you, me, every single person, and all the creatures great and small there is a pure light of love. That inner radiance reflects our essential nature is the larger truth of who we are...sparks of Divinity that are given life and a chance to celebrate our uniqueness in inwardly directed and authentic ways in this journey called life.

This innate luminosity is our essential Self..and as has been said before...God/Goddess
does not create junk. Accepting that opens the door for anyone to live their best life...on their own terms. Because we are, from my perspective bright sources of energy...going through our various human experiences. Wouldn't we have a lovely world is we could celebrate who
we are...and everyone else within the Onesong of our humanity?